The Speedy: A New Baseball Rule
Don't Worry, It's Not All Baseball
Dear All,
This is the latest episode of Don’t Press That Button, a newsletter about books and music and movies and cats and baseball and whatnot. As the name would indicate, we are very cautious about buttons around here. Have you ever heard “The Hardest Button to Button” by the White Stripes? I’m sure many of you have, and I’m sure some of you suspected that I would get around to it for this newsletter.
It’s a frightening, compelling track, partly about a family welcoming a colicky baby into their home in 1981. The singer gets a “rag doll” and sticks it with pins, and that stops the crying, and apparently everything works out because in the next verse, they’re a family and doing well. I don’t think anything bad happened to the baby? I hope that’s the case….
But it’s sinister! We’re in Button Country, people!
Anyway, the song then shifts, addressing itself to someone who is the “hardest little button to button,” and it doesn’t seem intended with fondness. I don’t know what to do with any of that, but it worries me. I like the song, though.
Anyhow, that’s buttons for you. Be careful with them. Also, be nice to babies. Rock yourself out as needed.
As for the button below, it simply subscribes you to this newsletter. If you’re new here, and you’d like to stick around, you can safely do so by clicking on it.
The Speedy
Baseball season is upon us, and, as I write this, the Red Sox look better than expected. First of all, Tyler O’Neill is ripped and ripping. Second of all, the starting rotation/law firm of Bello, Pivetta, Crawford, Whitlock, and Houck has been excellent. One key to excellence: simply being able to get out there on the mound.
Except, what do you know, in the time between starting this newsletter and finishing it, Nick Pivetta has gone on the IL with a flexor strain. Argh!1
Health is everything in baseball, and when it comes to pitching, guys’ arms are getting injured all over the place. Spencer Strider, Atlanta’s ace and the pre-season favorite to win the National League Cy Young Award, is the most recent to go down, heading a list that includes Shane Bieber, Eury Pérez, Tejay Antone, Chris Murphy, and Jonathan Loáisiga. As future Hall of Famer Justin Verlander points out here, the fundamental thing is that modern pitchers are throwing as hard as they possibly can, and putting as much torque on the ball as they possibly can, all the time. Per Verlander: “How can you — it’s a double-edged sword — how can you tell somebody to not do that when they’re capable of throwing a hundred [miles per hour]?”
So, we want this to happen less. As a fan, you want to see the most amazing pitchers actually pitch, and more importantly, you don’t want guys getting hurt. I know ballplayers make big money (which is nothing compared to what the owners rake in), and they’re adults who can make their own decisions, but I’m uncomfortable with the idea that the rigors of the game have become such that most major league pitchers are now basically fated to suffer elbow and shoulder rebuilds.
One idea, mentioned by Verlander, is the “Double Hook,” which would tie starting pitchers to the Designated Hitter, and encourage teams to keep starters in for as long as possible, which might lead accordingly to pitchers not throwing quite as hard so as to preserve their endurance. While I like this rule and the strategic issues it raises, and suspect it will be introduced in the not too distant future, I don’t think it will do much to stem the tide of arm injuries. Pitchers will continue to throw as hard as they can, and just try to make it through the rule’s allotted five innings.
If you want to limit arm injuries, however, I have a proposal. In tribute to Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Days,” where the storyteller refers to a fastball as a speedball2, I call it “the Speedy Rule.”
Here’s how it works:
For every 10 pitches thrown, a pitcher is allowed to throw one pitch over 96 miles per hour — a Speedy.
Suppose the pitcher throws his first pitch of the game at 97 mph and the batter swings right through it. Fine, that’s permitted. Striiiiiike! But, then, the pitcher throws his second pitch at 98 mph, puts it right down the middle, and the batter takes it. Even though the pitch was in the strike zone, that’s a violation of the rule. The batter gets a ball.
If the batter swings at a pitch that breaks the Speedy Rule, whatever happens happens. If it’s a foul, it’s a strike. If he swings through, it’s a strike. If he grounds out, he grounds out. If he hits a homer, he hits a homer. You get it.
Pitchers can bank their speedies. If all of a pitcher’s first thirty pitches are under 97 mph, they’ll have three speedies in their back pocket for an emergency situation.
That’s the gist of it. Is 97 mph the right number? Would 95 mph be better? I don’t know, but the key is that the Speedy Rule would cap the very hardest throwing to a degree. Would that make a difference for pitcher health? There’s no way to tell, obviously, and honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if it didn’t — pitchers would still be throwing very hard — but then again, it might.
Also, and I can’t stress it enough: This rule is not happening! In practice, it would be annoying to have to redirect to the scoreboard to check the speed of every pitch and to keep track of whether the Speedy is still available. It just feels too elaborate. I’m sure there are many other problems with the Speedy Rule, but it’s a thought I had, and hopefully the baseball fans among you won’t judge me too harshly for spitballing it with you.
The Latest
I visited Northshire Bookstore in Saratoga and had a lovely talk with Charles Soule about The Curator. It’s a great, great bookstore, well worth a road trip.
Unless something comes up, that wraps up my promotional activities on The Curator. I remain hugely proud of the novel, and I’m so grateful to everyone who attended an event, bought a copy, checked a copy out from the library, wrote a review, took the time to tell me they enjoyed it, or was encouraging in any way. Thank you.
You can order signed copies of most of my books at Oblong Books, and they also have some at Postmark Books.
So, next up is Self Help, my collaboration with Jesse Kellerman! Did I write in the previous newsletter that it was coming out in May? That was an error. It’s coming out in June. Which is practically May! I don’t have anything to report yet about appearances/signings, but please check back. While Jesse and I live on opposite coasts, we do have ambitions of getting together at least once, even though I’m afraid that Jesse will make me lift weights with him. With any luck, our wonderful artist Marianna Ignazzi will be able to join us.
I have a couple of other new projects really underway now, but the road is long!
We observed the eclipse. I liked the spooky, slightly reddish tinge that the light took on, and the way the shadows clawed their way across the grass was something else. Shades of Nosferatu. While this was going on, the shooters at the shooting range that’s somewhere near my house kept on shooting, which I will generously describe as … a choice. I suppose the argument you could make is that eclipse conditions don’t come around too often, so you want to take advantage of them and practice to make sure you’re ready to go if you ever need to shoot stuff during an eclipse, but also, like, come on, what the fuck?
Recommendations
Do you remember my Vinegar Bend Mizell3 glove? I got it restrung by D&J Glove Repair, and it’s awesome. If you need your glove fixed, that’s the place.
I am enthusiastic about Nicole Flattery’s short story collection, Show Them A Good Time. It’s relentlessly funny and unsettling.
OK, that’s enough for the moment. I didn’t get around to bugging Elizabeth for Psychic Benefits, but we’ll be back with that soon, and in the meantime you can still listen to the Paranoid Style.
In case you ever have a question or a comment or just want to say hi, if you reply to the email, I will see it. I’m over on Instagram, too, if you’d like to follow along there.
All Best,
Owen
For that matter, the Red Sox as a whole have hit a speed bump since I started this newsletter. Let’s just move along.
This is splendid characterization, by the way, because it demonstrates in a striking, ultra-efficient way that the person telling the story is a casual baseball fan at best. Baseball’s not his concern; his concern is the way youth gets away from us, but we never get away from it. That said, let’s recognize Joe Posnanski’s differing point of view on the matter at his blog, which is always a great read.
Old Vinegar Bend was a conservative Congressman after his playing career. Fair to say I like his baseball glove more than his politics.